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Whatever rings Mel's bells

Archive for June, 2012

Depression

K, so if admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery, then I shall do so.

I’m dealing with some depression right now.  I’m at a crossroads in my life, and I’m feeling ready for a change.  But the change is taking so long in coming, it’s getting frustrating.  I was just saying last night, I’ve gone through the part where I let go of my plans and embrace the new paradigm.  So I’ve turned the mental corner and I’m ready for the new thing now.  But it isn’t coming!  So I’m still stuck here in my old life, the one that won’t work and isn’t working and that I’ve already given up.  But I can’t go on to my new life yet.

So I’m feeling really out of sorts and it’s really messing with my head.  I guess the only thing to do is soldier through and deal with it, huh?  At least I have friends who I can turn to and get it off my chest, which I really need to employ more often because it’s a much better coping mechanism than my usual ones.

Know what?  I think I’ll go clean the affirmations off my mirror and write a new one.  Something along the lines of, “You will succeed if you apply yourself.”  With the IF really big.

And then tonight I’m going to go see my wonderful family and celebrate my nephew’s birthday and bask in the love and appreciation and togetherness and understanding and BELONGING that makes me so happy to have been born into this bunch of people.

Take that, depression.

Announcement

Big changes are a-coming…  There’s no way to work up to this, so I’m just gonna pull the bandage right off in one yank.

I’m auditioning for the Navy Band.

Yep, I’m going to enlist in the US Navy and join the band and be a Navy rock star for the next few years.  Didn’t know the Navy had rock bands?  They do.  In fact, they have 11 fleet bands around the world, each of which has 2-3 vocalists.  One of those fleet bands is stationed at NBK-Bangor, right here in my backyard.  If they station me there, I’ll only be gone for about 7 months (8 weeks of basic, 21 of A school) and then I’ll be back home again for most of my tour.  If they don’t, I could end up in California or Europe or Hawaii or on the East Coast.  Who knows?

At any rate, I’m offering what I feel is my greatest talent and skill in service of my country.  It’s a decision I have not made lightly, and in fact one I was on the verge of making two years ago.  In 2010 I decided to stay here, but I guess it was just a matter of time!  I keep telling people that if I’d known at 18 that I could do this, I’d only be a few years out from retirement right now.  But no, I had to talk to the Army recruiter…  And the Army doesn’t have a dedicated vocalist position.  You know, it never occurred to me to walk out the door and into one of the other branches.  But hey, life is funny that way and playing the “what if” game is stupid and unproductive.

So this is the plan:  I serve for 5 years, and if I like it then I stay in until I want out.  If I don’t like it, then I’m back here in 5 years buying a house and picking up where I left off.

Either way, I’m excited and ready for a change.  Both Etsy stores will remain open for sales in my absence (big thanks to Albert who will be shipping packages out for me until I’m able to take back over) tho there obviously won’t be any new items available until I get to my duty station.  Keep an eye out for future communications as to when I go – it’ll be business as usual for the next couple months, or however long it takes for me to get on the road.

Back on the horse again

Isn’t it funny how a few little experiences can change your whole perspective on life?

Last week I was feeling pretty low.  I don’t want to relive it, so I’m just going to say I wasn’t feeling like myself.  In fact, I haven’t felt like myself for a while.  But Saturday night I had a GREAT show at Moondog’s with Trademark – we really rocked the house, and I even played China Grove without screwing it up too badly!  I almost felt like a guitar player!  😀

Sunday I practiced with the Z-Rex crew at the “snake pit.”  Honestly, it was pretty frustrating.  I had plans that day, which I canceled because it was the only time we could get together.  I rushed out of my seeester’s house to get there on time, and then they spend two and a half hours setting all the gear up before we even played.  Jeez, people!  But once we finally started, it was kinda fun to play different (VERY different) stuff from what I normally do, and they said some really complimentary and flattering things that boosted my ego.  So overall I can’t really complain!

Monday morning Shawn and I got together and did some recording, and planned out some of the songs we’re going to do together in our duo shows.  We shared some originals and got to know each other better, and it was really awesome.  I showed him one song I was soooo close to having done, except for a few lines that I couldn’t figure out.  He made a great suggestion for the ending and we did a scratch recording of it, too.

I got up yesterday and decided that I was going to dress up.  Understand that I go to the office for like three hours a day, and usually I’m the only one in there.  But hey, what good is having silk blouses in the closet if you never wear them, right?  So I got gussied up and (may I just add) I looked damn good.  Got home, packaged up an internet sale and took it to the post office, then came home and baked bread in my finery.  (Good thing Albert got me an apron for my birthday!)  And guess what?  While it was rising, I finished that song!

Then last night, we had an incredibly fun practice with NW Chill.  The smokers stayed on the other side of the room from me, and even when we screwed things up it was funny instead of frustrating.  We just took another crack at it and got it (mostly) right the next time.  😉  Afterward, Randy and Shawn and I went out for a drink and talked about plans for the next few months.  Today we’re getting together to work on our demo CD (in fact, I need to hustle or I’ll be late) and I’m really looking forward to it.

Maybe it’s hormonal, maybe it’s just a run of good circumstances.  But I suddenly feel like my old self again.  You know, that gal who knew she was going to succeed.  The one who didn’t have the entire plan laid out in perfect detail, but who knew in her heart that she could figure it out on the fly and make it work if she had to.  I feel energized and capable and accomplished!  I feel like I could leap tall buildings and outrace speeding bullets!  Oh, and I have another song idea already…  😀